Waiting for Green (Alt. Title: Ugh, Another Post Grad Blog?)

This blog will not be me saying, “remain steadfast in the waiting because God has a plan for you eventually.”

On the contrary, I would like to posit: there is no such thing as a waiting time. I’ll explain.

I am impatient. This impatience is just the manifestation of my worry. I want things quickly, so I can be two things: satisfied and at peace.

In just about every area of my post grad life, I had no stability. Nothing was settled. Nothing was secure. And worse, nothing was known.

For about eight days, I had been sleeping on couches and floors because I was applying for jobs, filming a wedding, and attending holiday functions. I physically, emotionally, and spiritually crashed hard.

I was so confused by God. Why did He lead me here (this physical, mental, and emotional place) if nothing was safe?

The lord said to Gideon, “You have too many men. I cannot deliver Midian into their hands, or Israel would boast against me, ‘My own strength has saved me.’ Judges 7:2

God doesn’t keep us dangling because He needs to be the superhero that comes in last minute to save us. However, He is a jealous God because He loves us. He wants the credit because He knows we cannot do it without Him.

First, He knows nothing else will satisfy us. God, being perfect love, is the best for us. So, the first part to rid my impatience is to rest in assurance; His timing is perfect. Trying to do anything on my own, manipulating situations, and not trusting Him will lead to [even more] unsatisfying results.

Second, God doesn’t keep us dangling at all.  In fact, I don’t believe there is such thing as a waiting time, at least not in the traditional sense. Here’s what I mean. For a long time, I’ve been taught to remain faithful in the waiting. It was described as a place where we are supposed to continue—a sort of going through the motions—to do what God calls us to do until the next thing happens. I think, in good spirit, people teach that we’re supposed to remain. Now, here’s the problem with this mentality—this continuing through the hardships—it has a sort of underlining unsatisfied mentality doesn’t it? I can feel my heart saying, “I’ll be faithful in this because the good is yet to come.” (Biblically this is referring to Christ's coming and Christ's second coming, not a lighter load on earth). 

In fact, this trickles into another area God has been revealing, which is the importance of feeling not just obedience (logic). I think we should obey regardless of how we feel, but we should use that obedience as a catalyst to feel at peace. Obedience in trusting is not the end stop; it is the fire we use  to experience God's peace.

Think: what if the good is now? What if this notion of waiting was a pseudo-peace we created? 

What if there was no such thing as waiting just being? 

You can decide to waste being on waiting.

Instead, what if you spent your “waiting” by living? Actually utilizing all opportunities. Can you image the energy, the people, the places, and the experiences?

I often think back to something my pastor once said. He told a story about a woman.  Before a hardship, she was extremely merciful, sweet, gentle, etc. After her hardship, she lost her virtues.

Hear me, I'm not saying fake happiness. 

I’m saying: I don’t want to be a person of genuine virtue, integrity, joy, and kindness when things are good for me. Behaving well just when I get what I want.

I want to look back on the hard times, the uncertainty, un-sureness, the fear, and the unsettling moments with virtue—a manifestation of my trust in the Father. 

I don’t want to exemplify that trust only when things go my way.

Joy is closer to peace than it is to happiness. Joy is saying regardless of the circumstances, I’m trusting in the Lord. I’m giving Him my everything—the good, the bad, and the in between (waiting).

Buddhism teaches this sort of peace. They don’t view suffering as bad. Suffering is suffering; it is a part of life. Instead of wallowing in it, waiting for it to end, you are to find the peace within yourself. Do not be afraid or scared of the suffering. Embrace the suffering as it is, in that acceptance you find inner peace. 

Now, as a Christian, I don’t believe we have that peace within us. I don’t believe we can ever train hard enough, think long enough, mediate well enough, or learn enough to acquire it. But I do believe there is a loving God who graciously gives us peace, even—and here’s the scandalous nature of His love and peace—especially when we created the havoc in the first place.

I think Paul exemplifies the peace that the Buddhists and other Christians talk about. I think everybody is in need of it, searching for it. In the midst of hell on earth, there are accounts of Paul remaining faithful. But here’s the difference. It’s not complacency. It’s a peace that moved Paul. It’s a peace that pushed Paul into action. The peace of God actually gave Paul purpose in his time of suffering. He didn’t “wait out the suffering.” He lived out the suffering.

So maybe you’re waiting for a job. Maybe you’re single and waiting for a significant other. Maybe you’re waiting to graduate. 

These are all beautiful gifts from God, but they should not grow into distractions from God and His calling to do Kingdom work. In fact, the moment their existence (or lack thereof) becomes the reason you aren't active in your pursuit or purpose set before you, you actually begin to abuse their very nature.  No job, no person, no freedom, no ____ can satisfy your soul. 

Hence, I think waiting can be dangerous. If you’re stuck with a waiting mentality, you’ll miss the living now. Look at your circumstances as a place to learn, to heal, to teach, to serve, to know, and to be known. Don’t miss what is right in front of you. You don’t want to be the one that actually gets what you want, but in the process wasted three years waiting for it.

I don’t believe in waiting. I believe in accepting where I am, if it’s pain or suffering, trusting the Lord will heal and restore, and actively living in the now.

I want to end on this: I think waiting in the Biblical sense is an active trusting. It is not a helpless, dormant life. And, I think this active trusting is where one will find a satisfying and peaceful life regardless of the circumstances.

Psalm 27:14 

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord

This is slightly irrelevant. I didn’t want to include it in the main blog portion, but food for thought:

I think the only one who can actually wait is God because unlike us, He is the only one who is in control of time. 

We are supposed to accept and trust His timing. 

But! Can God really “wait”? In the sense, is it waiting if He controls time? It’s not so much "waiting" as it is "how He wants it." It is simply: His timing. Maybe in the literal sense, it is waiting because it is a pause... but that’s an awfully limited perspective—to think something is on a pause because it’s not when we would have it done.  We only know our own lives and our very small understanding of time. I mean, if God has perfect timing, can He even “wait”? Or is it just His timing is perfect and so the notion of waiting is formed by humans who just cannot agree or simply cannot fathom His timing? 

Green Light (Seattle, WA)