Entries of a Traveler.

November 30, 2014 

Entries of a Traveler 

11:00 am 

I’m currently on my way home.  We’ve all heard, “home is where the heart is”.  I used to think I didn’t have one place to call “home”, and in a traditional sense, I guess that’s true.  But flying and traveling this thanksgiving season, I have come to the beautiful conclusion that I am perfectly okay with that.  I think I have a big enough heart and enough passion to share it with many states.  Maybe, even a few of which I have no relational ties with. 

Oregon, California, Oklahoma, Colorado, and some times (on a good day) I’ll give my heart to Michigan, too.  They can all be home to me, because they all have my heart.  Would it be a piece of my heart, or is it possible to have and share at the same time?  I will allow each home to have all of it.  Just like F. Scott Fitzgerald said, “There are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice.”  I love all of my homes, each of which are different, but no one less than the other.  (Except Michigan.  I could love Michigan less and probably make it share with some other state.  Nobody really loves Michigan.)  

12:00 pm

“You’re not from here, are you?”  Asked by pretty much every stranger I encounter while traveling.  What gives me away? Is it the collecting of leafs on the sidewalk?  Is it the photographing of what seems like an average building?  Is it the speaking too quickly and accidentally letting a light southern accent peak through with random words?  Is it the buying of postcards and stickers?  Is it the lacking of personal space?  (Though typical behavior for me anywhere.)  Whatever it may be, I could answer rather quickly and relatively accurately with a quick, “No, I live in Oklahoma”.  But after some thought, I have decided to answer with a question, “Where do you think I’m from?”.  To what ever their guess is, as crazy as it may be, I will answer with a big fat grin on my face, “YES!”  Though impossible to magically change the history of my homes, I will say, “YES! I am from there.”  And for a few seconds I will have lived in a state or city I haven’t had the privileged to live in, yet.  Because if I could fit there, I’d love to be there.  (It makes sense if you don’t think about it.)

4:00 pm

On a plane and up in the air.  (Unfortunately, not with George Clooney.) Window seat of course.  It amazes me how many people get the window seat and close the window cover.  It’s not that the window closers are wrong, it’s just they are difficult to understand.  I understand you are tired, but I don’t understand the sleep.  Not on a plane.  Okay, well, I’ve fallen asleep on a plane.  It’s just why? When it’s day time!  When you can see!?  “I’ve seen it all before.”  “I fly all the time.”  That’s what the window closers say. But they haven’t.  There's no way they have seen this cloud on this day in this sky before.  I get it, “Chloe, you’re being a bit romantic aren't you?”  And I suppose I am.  But I can’t help it!  I’M IN THE SKY! I can see how a cotton blanket of clouds can get a bit redundant, but (and this may be my coffee speaking) I can’t shut my eyes.  If not out the window, it will be the two lovers next to me.  The blond hair and blue eyed girl, who I hate to admit, might be more outgoing than I.  And her brown hair scruff’d compliment to my left.  Or a mom’s bundle of joy behind me.  Who, she swears, is “a genius! The doctors told me themselves.  He’s just the most observant baby alive.  AND he plays the drums!”  And at eight months old, I’m sure he’s better than me, no doubt. 

6:00pm 

Almost home.  I met Iza and Mark.  “Iza like Liza but without the L.”

Iza:

Green eyes

Bolivian 

Thick Portuguese accent 

Small face 

Big heart 

Dolphin Lover

Cares more about the people she loves than matching her fanny pack with her windbreaker 

Mark:

Tall 

American 

Quiet 

Speaks three languages 

Intelligent 

Cultured 

Observant 

Loves his wife so much he couldn’t keep his hands off her for the entire flight

They met online “DreamCatch”.  “I saw his picture and thought he was very handsome.  I said, ‘Okay’. ha ha ha.  Minutes later, I sent, ‘hello’. And that’s how it started.” They talked for two months before meeting.  “We dated for six months.  Engaged for two weeks.”  She looked at her finger with a simple silver band.  Sparkles in her eyes she said, “before I knew it, I look down at my hand and ring on my finger!”  Though her accent thick, her expression said it all. I asked how the wedding was.  Was it big or small?  Where did you have it?  She said, “at a park on a Monday at five pm.  Who go to a wedding on a Monday!? Ha! Nobody! Nobody, but we make it work!” Smiles at her husband.  “Yes, we make it work.  My brother made…. What did he make?”  She waits impatiently for her husband to answer quickly so she can continue her wedding tale.  “Barbecue, Darling.  Barbecue”.  “Yes! My brother make barbecue for my wedding.  And! And everybody looooooved it.  They really did.”  She smiled contently.  Too curious and enthralled, I asked about her dress.  She said, “I found it in two hours!  My mother in town and I had two hours before work, and I said, ‘Ma! I have two hours before work.  I get the dress now.  You come now or don’t come.’  I tried on two dresses and hated them.  Both.  Then the third dress.  That was it.  The one.”  I asked her to describe it to me.  Although she showed me with great gestures-swinging and poking the air with both hands- and vibrant facial expressions, I’m afraid I could not understand exactly what she was saying.  But I do know, no matter what she was wearing, be rags or diamonds, she looked stunning. She said, “I never get married. That’s what I told myself.  I was thirty-three and no boys around.  First dates, sure. But not the serious kind. How old are you?”  “About to be nineteen, m’am.”  “Well, you wait.  Wait like me.  Find a man who treats you like this,” she points to mark holding her bags.  “You’ll make a great teacher. But love.  It will come.  You wait.  Wait for special.  You have personality.  You will be great at teacher.  You are special.  Do not settle.  Wait for a man who carries your bags.”  I laughed and said I wasn’t in a hurry.  Now married for thirteen years, you can find Iza jabbering in Mark’s ear as they hike and observe waterfalls (“I love the waterfalls”) in Rapid City, South Dakota.  She said, “My advice to you:  travel, study, and have fun.”

And that is why I like to travel.

The Five Senses of Autumn

OSU Stillwater, OK
Feat. a stranger called Cole

The n is silent

When the leaves are singin’

People are quieter

In whisper season

Pianos are being played

        But they don’t mind

Heat on the tongue

Spices demand attention

Coffee wears sleeves

Because cold’s pretension

Popular Cucurbita pepo

      Because it is prettier

Smoke fills lungs

Bonfires perfume clothes

Cider’s fragrance crawls

In secrets fall enclose

The essence of nostalgia

            And it is sweet

Cozy is familiar again

Leather pages read

Fluffy warm pillows

Thrown on trundle beds

Cuddle is acceptable

            Yet over due

           

Dust acknowledged

The vibrate leaves glow

Fabrics, textures, colors

Dress human chateaus

The vision of chills

            For the polaroids

God, Lobster, and Anne Hathaway

Who do you know?  Do you know your mom? How about your beta fish, Melvin? (That’s not relevant to you, I just wanted to share with you guys- I do have a fish. His name is Melvin. He is purple. He loves to dance).  Do you know your significant other?  Before you answer these questions, I’ll share a little context. What does know actually mean?

The dictionary defines Know (verb) with nine different definitions.  There are a few I would like to highlight:

to perceive or understand as fact or truth; to apprehend clearly and with certainty

to have established or fixed in the mind or memory

to be cognizant or aware of

*Break* The word “cognizant” is so fun to say. Try it.  You feel cool.

be acquainted with (a thing, place, person, etc.), as by sight, experience, or report

Pick somebody you know- really know. 

1. The first definition is to know by an understatement as a fact or truth.  So with this person in mind, ask yourself: “what is their favorite holiday”?

Can you answer it with certainty?

2. The second definition is to have it branded in your mind or memory

So with this person in mind, ask yourself, “what is their middle name?”

Did you get it right?

3. The third definition is to be aware of something.  So with this person in mind, ask yourself: “what makes this person laugh?” Does it actually work?

4. The fourth definition is to know by a relationship.  So with this person in mind, ask yourself: “when did you first meet?”

Could you remember? 

In 1 Corinthians, Paul writes to the church at Corinth.  He addresses some issues they are facing but in the most optimistic way.  In chapter eight, he is talking about questionable practices involving sacrificing foods.  He starts the chapter with a bunch of confusing repetitive beautiful words about knowing God.  He talks about the old practices of sacrificing food. 

He makes one statement, though simple and quiet compared to the loudness of the issue, that influences my life every single day.  “But whoever loves God is known by God”, 1 Corinthians 8:3. Wow. 

I mean, wow. So whoever loves God, is known by Him. Well, I do believe that God knows every one of His children, because he made us (Isaiah 43:1).  But there is something significant about the “love” aspect.  When you love somebody, you have/had a relationship with them.  You invest time, energy, and emotions in that person.  You invite them into your life.  Paul is saying, whoever loves God- invest time, energy, and emotions- is known by Him.   He knows you.  He knows you in every worldly definition and incomprehensible supernatural ways, too.  He knows you with (1) certainty, (2) without hesitation, (3) all the time, (4) and intentionally.  He knows you. 

He knew that on the day of a cross country meet- one that I had ran years prior- I would be devastated to not be participating in it for the first time.  He knew that my flesh had rooted some of its confidence in running. He knew I would be sad and my self esteem would be shot watching others participate.  That’s why he sent a friend, one whom I hadn’t seen all year, to be at the exact location when I was about to cry.  He knew I needed to be encouraged, and she did just that.  He knew that after a few minutes (An hour.  In Chloe’s time: a “few” minutes) of talking, I would feel His worth of my life.  He knew I needed to feel pretty and girly and that’s why he blessed my best friend with money to have a “girls night” and wear skinny jeans and make up and eat lobster.  He knew that on a day of defeat and low energy, I needed the most random call from my daddy saying, “I love you”, and a friend that likes to bless me, with not only, rocky road, but a love for cheesy Anne Hathaway movies.  He knew I needed a hug and chocolate when my money was stollen and I felt alone, and that moment sparked a new friendship.  (I promise I don’t eat a lot of chocolate. And by “don’t”, I mean I do. I really eat a lot).  

He knew me then, and He knows me now.  He knows me, and though I cannot always fathom why- He loves me.  

And I feel spoiled.

Fresh Faces

Fresh Faces

It all starts with cardboard boxes, a couple granola bars, and awkward goodbyes.  

I don’t remember being particularly nervous about college.  It was never this dreadful- oh crap!- experience I didn’t feel prepared for.  Honestly,  less than a month in the first semester, I’ve noticed elongated smiles, deeper laughs, and intensified chaco tan lines.  This isn’t a “feel-good” blog about my feelings and struggles I’ve had for the last weeks.  And unfortunately, this isn’t about my most embarrassing moments thus far, either.  Instead, I want to highlight new personalities I have been exposed to.  I want to introduce you to the NeverNormal (one word) people who make up my days.  More specifically- freshman, who like me, have a naive excitement walking to their classes every OTHER day (love that) dreaming about their futures and still getting used to the concept: we’re learning our careers. 

She’s a laugh. Particularly, the kind that makes you feel less crazy for loving life as much as you do. We punch heavy black bags together, and then eat weird granola bars that are outrageously expensive. But “it’s worth it because it doesn’t have any of this ____ “ (insert unpronounceable ingredients that I didn’t even know existed, and between me the rest of the world, I don’t mind eating). She can fix a toilet, but not a TV.  She is the best nutritionist, but she’s the worst monopoly partner.  Her roommate was her dad, too.  She has a faith that is infectious.  She loves like she wants to be loved (even when she wasn’t always loved). Her car is a reflection of her fun: clean.  Her favorites smell of candy and sweet potatoes. Her hair is blue at one time, but her eyes are blue all the time. She’s the grandpa.  I love that we knew each other before, but here at this time in our lives, we get to experience each other.  She’s a light. 

He tucked me in.  He face just looks kind.  In a battle or fight between sarcasm and him, sarcasm would win.  He is political.  Maybe I don’t really know if what he is saying is correct, but he could fool me.  He is the soup kitchen.  He feeds everybody. He is open.  He is a listener.  He is encouraging and fatherly.  He is a hopeless romantic and a dedicated boyfriend.  He shares his subs with the world, but not his beef jerky.  He has different voices with different emotions.  He is intentional with everything he does- including getting to know you.  He has way too much pop tarts.  And his ramen is good. Really good.  “No, I really don’t mind. Chloe, seriously, that’s what friends are for”.  He is the shadow behind me as I longboard  home at two am just to make sure I made it safely.  He is my caffeine partner. He is a giver. He’s a heart.  

He was a stranger who asked me to Walmart. I was the stranger that got in his car.  He made me laugh. Laugh hard. Painful laughs.  He talks during movies. He can sing well. He makes fun of everything, including himself.  He loves the Lord. He looks like a pothead. He is the joke that was taken too far.  We like to contemplate together. He is an awful artist- when his eyes are closed.  He won’t step on the cracks.  He is relatable and understanding. He hears you when you talk. He is a math genius.  He is mediocre at Scattergories. He just wins it. He let me take him hiking.  His love for his family is beautiful and admirable.  He showed me my first tarantula.  He talks a lot- a lot.  You just have to listen. “Yeah, sometimes I try to do impressive things”. He likes Arrested Development and sushi.  He sees the stars like I do.   He is a smirk. He is thoughtful.  He smells of maple and has a soft blue blanket. He’s my ice-cream buddy. He’s a best friend.

She sat next to me in government.  She welcomed me with a few laughs at my pathetic jokes- attempts to lighten the depressing ora. She has Pocahontas hair.  She texts me more than once in a row.  I reply with seven.  She understands it. Her notes look like pieces of art. She swings in hammocks with me.  She is observant.  She wears cool like it’s t-shirt.  She is the girl that you want to be friends with.  She can capture a duck in one swift movement.  She stares Awkward in the face, and Awkward backs down (most of the time). She takes chances if you invite her.  She feels like your best friend in hours.  “It smells like french fries”.  She is the coffee break in your day. You don’t have to talk when you’re with her, but you want to hear what she has to say.  She is gentle.  Her words are kind and up-lifting. She's the confidence hidden. She is honest.  She is eager to grow.  Being with her motivates you to grow, too.  She is my nature accomplice.  She is the best bird napper in the area. She is the smart that looks effortless.  She’s a sister.

He’s the unity.  He invites and meets everybody.  He loves people and people love him.  He graces everyone with his smile and open arms.  He is pure talent. He has the perfect beard.  He participates in pillow fights.  He shares his green tea.  He likes documentaries and good music.  He shares my excitement.  His story is unique.  “Isn’t that freaking beautiful?”.  His dog is named after chocolate, and that makes me happy.  He compliments regularly.  He is genuine.  He is a goofball.  He shares my indecisiveness.  He unites.  He likes to snuggle. He loves spinach.  He sees beauty in everyone.  He looks older but acts like a kid.  We feed off each other’s energy.  He is real.  He is passion.  He appreciates the little things.  He spoils me with his friendship.  He loves company.  He is pro at hosting.  He’s a welcome.

These are my friends.  As I sit on my balcony and look down, I see so many new faces, and each face has a story.  This handful of characters happen to enroll at the same university as me.  Either known before, friends of friends, or complete strangers, this group of ordinary, rather extraordinary, people have have blessed me with- simply- themselves.  There will be new faces and stories I will be privileged to experience, and I’m excited for when that will happen.  I want to encourage you to go and evaluate the people in your lives.  What makes them special  in your eyes? 

Could You Please Just Act a Little Less Mature?

Could You Please Just Act a Little Less Mature? 

Everybody has a childhood. It may have been good or it may have been bad. But we were all children at one point.  My childhood consists of knocking our neighbors' doors for sugar and doing school work on the beach, making friends with the mailman, and rolling my hamster in a barbie car down the street.  I think it’s really interesting asking people, “what is your favorite childhood memory?”, because it really says a lot about them.  Where they grew up, what their hobbies may have been, if they were close to their siblings, if they had any pets, etc… For some, best moments of their lives are when they are young.  Young consists of less worrying, gas money, and cognitive thinking.   There is something special about kids.  I work at a bounce house where kids come to jump around in inflatables and host birthday parties.  It’s a great job, because I literally get to be apart of a family on one of the most exciting days of a kid’s life.  With my personality and its lack of social boundaries,  I’m talking to kids like their my sister or brother and parents as if I grew up with them.  Awkwardly standing by laughing at inside jokes that I am unaware and excluded from. I just casually start telling stories of the kid as if I knew him or her. People are beginning to ask questions, “Who is she?”.  But then I quickly start singing the celebratory song: “Happy Birthday”, and he or she blows out the candles.  All spirits get high and mostly because they know in less than three minutes their stomachs will be full of color dye and whipped sugar.  I look  at these kids as they open their presents and accept every single one.  There is never a four year-old who hesitates, “are you sure? for me? Really? I don’t know. This Polly-Pocket could look really nice on your new granite counter top”. No, they just take it and say, “thank you”.  As I watch them open and accept; it made me think: how much we change as we grow.  Yes, growing up is a beautiful thing, and I thank God every day for puberty.  And having a car is way cooler than learning to walk (Okay, mom? so next time Elle does something really cool, like jump off a stair, show her a picture of my keys. That’s all I ask).  However, kids really have an innocence that God wants us to keep.  The Bible says that children are a reward (Psalms 127:3).  And in the beginning God says we are all children of God through faith (Galatians 3:26).  So we are considered a reward to God.  He says “through faith”.  What does that mean?  Later in the New Testament it says, “unless, we change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3).  The words “little children” do not differ in the translations.  It was very clear what God wanted.  You ask, well I thought growing up would help me mature and understand God.  But God doesn’t want “understatement” to have precedence over “faith”.  According to psychologist and social scientists, there are specific characteristics that describe children. 

• Trust without questions
• Seek approval
• Are confident
• Want to serve
• forgive easily and forget quickly
• are eager to learn and acquire skills
• want good to triumph over evil
• are emotionally sensitive and thus vulnerable

Now, put into context a faith that will trust without questions, wants to seek God’s approval, is confident,wants to serve others, forgives and forgets quickly, eager to learn, wants good in the world, and is emotional sensitive and vulnerable.  No wonder God wants our faith to be child like! Jesus tells a woman, “… for it’s not good to take the children’s bread and throw it to the little dogs”.  He is literally describing His message and ministry as “children’s bread” (Matthew 14:26).  His goal is for His followers to be children of faith.  So next time you cry because there are no more fruit snacks in the pantry, or think your cover of “I’m Yours” is so unique, you post it on social media, remember- your vulnerability and confidence is appreciated.  I think Benjamin Button knew the secret the whole time.

It's Time to be a Coward

It’s Time to be a Coward

I’ve grown up with a rough family.  Yes, there was love and nourishment, but if you were hurt, emotionally or physically, you learned to suck it up.  If not, my big brother would, “really give you something to cry about”.  Tears immediately found it’s way back inside my eyes, and all because a rollie pollie, A.K.A: my best friend for three minutes, was just ruthlessly killed by my big brother’s feet during a very intense capture-the-flag game.  Now, I’m no longer bitter about the rollie pollie.  I have made new friends since then. (Butterflies- they don’t crawl). But growing up with a family of rough and intense personalities, we were constantly trying to push ourselves to see who was the bravest.  For example, “Okay, here are the rules: you have to ride your bike as fast as you can without looking for cars or wearing a helmet, and I’m going to pedal after you at full speed and try to purposefully and dangerously hit your tire with my tire.  Meanwhile you’re going to be praying the tire doesn’t have too much friction to flip you over your handlebars.  Then, if you can still see and remember your name, you're it!”.  We played games like that pretty much my entire life.  But as I grow up, I have to remind myself, they are just that- games.  Being brave and trying to see how far you can push yourself is exhilarating and can impress all the kids on the block.  But God wants a coward, at least when it comes to temptation.  A lot of times we try to impress ourselves or others with our strength.  We want to see how far we can go without crashing.  In context to temptation, God wants us to leave it alone.  The Bible never says we won’t be tempted or we will never reach a moment when we have to make a decision against sin.  However, it does give us encouragement, instructions, and hope in those situations.  Second Timothy says to flee from temptation (NIV).  In other translations the Bible instructs to, “run from”, “stay away”, “turn away”, “shun”, or “avoid”, “turn your back”.  Being a huge language fanatic, I noticed in all translations, the verse begins with an understood “you”.  This automatically emphasizes it’s a command.  The Bible isn’t suggesting, “You should maybe probably could possibly run from temptation”.  No, it’s saying: Run. Run from it. Flee from it.  Stay away from it.  Shun it.  See at this moment, God doesn’t want one of His children to see how far they can go without crashing. He knows the power of temptation, and unlike us, He actually knows our hearts (Jeremiah 17:9).  So don’t dance around temptation, or try to push through it, don’t even entertain the thoughts of temptation.  Don’t give power to something that has none.  Just Run.  With that said, we all fall.  We have and we will. We have all fallen short.  However, guilt is not from Christ. If Christ is all good and beneficial, how can He create guilt?  Guilt is from the evil one.  It holds you back.  It holds me back.  It says, “Chloe, you’ve messed up here. BIG TIME.  How could you do that?  What happened to ‘running and fleeing’?  You failed.  You might as well not try to fix it.  You know you’re just going to mess up again.”  That’s guilt.  How is that Godly?  How is being stuck and not trying to make it right any part of goodness?  It’s not.  There is a difference between guilt and conviction.  Conviction is from God.  Conviction says, “Chloe, that was not good.  That will not bring you anything in life but pain and disappointment.  Turn your ways.  Do better.  Make it right, and move on to a better life He has in store for you.”  Conviction is hope.  Guilt is quicksand.  Guilt will trap you for a life time, if you let it.  Conviction produces light for a better future, if you let it. Sometimes, we all step on rollie pollies or flip over our handlebars.  Try to prevent the next injury by running away from the first sign of temptation.  And, if you do flip again, turn to the Living Word.  Let conviction bring hope.  

Hi, Graduation.

Four years.  A total of 720 school days. That’s 5,760 hours.  And 345,000 minutes.  That’s how long I have dedicated (by law) to high school (so far). Hi, Graduation, it's nice to meet you!  I know most people on graduation day get all emotional and listen to Taylor Swift’s Long Live. It’s not I don’t have a heart, or I never want to see another person from school. Far from, in fact, THEY’RE probably really happy to get rid of a hyper-ask-way-too-many-quetions-four-cups-of-coffee-agressive-morning-person girl in their first hour (me).  But I sit here, just hours before I walk across the stage, and think about the past years.  I can look back and think of Gabby Douglas, an Olympic gold medalist at the age of sixteen, and think, “wow, I got my license…. cool and won a science fair”. But I’d rather not have a midlife crisis (so soon).  I’m already late getting ready, and I know I can’t be late to my own graduation. (Well, I could, but I’d rather not  piss off the faculty or family any more this year).  I just wanted to encourage my friends who have, will, or never graduated high school.  Don’t look back.  Don’t get stuck in this, “nothing will be the same. I’m so scared of the future”. I could spit out Bible verses left and right about how God doesn’t give us a spirit of fear, but like I said, I have a face mask on and have to be at my sister’s condo in roughly thirty minutes… Yikes! (insert, brother yelling, “Chloe! Almost ready?!” ).  Anyway, yeah, it’s true. Things won’t be the same.  And that’s that.  But THAT is a beautiful thing.  This isn’t so much about my graduation, as it is about encouraging everybody to look at the future as a wonderful thing. Not a fearful thing.  Appreciate the past for it’s wisdom, but trust the future for it’s experiences.  I know I’m just a high schooler (not for long!), but I’ve seen and experienced a lot of what this world has to offer, though we don’t want to fall into a love with materialistic things, God did give us this time on earth to enjoy it.  So feel the grass, drink too much coffee, spin until you’re sick, laugh until you blow snot, burn your hands on cookies, and spit from talking too fast, because well, life is moving and you have to feel it before it’s gone.

This ONE song.

This ONE Song

You know that moment? The movement when your favorite emotional song comes on shuffle and you automatically feel like you’re in a Lifetime movie? The best part- you’re on an airplane, and it’s taking off at the exact moment.  Or maybe you have to manipulate your iPod as the song synchronizing a little more nicely- for that added effect.  Nonetheless, you’re in that moment and through your headphones and heart, you think about everything.  EVERYTHING. Death. Joy. Love. Future. Failure. Passion. During this one song.

You’ve carried yourself away in thought.  Your mind is overwhelmed, and you love it.  You’re excited to feel.  You’re anticipating the next thought.  You don’t know which subject to invest the most time in.  You don’t care. You feel for a moment- your movie moment.  You look stupid to the world outside.  You’re acting way too dramatic, Grey’s Anatomy wouldn’t include you in an episode.  But you can’t help it.  Or you don’t try. During this one song.

Pictures come to mind and memories are rediscovered.  You laugh at your ridiculous life.  You thank God for your ridiculous life.  You secretly hope somebody can understand your thoughts completely. Then you realize how magical “self contemplation” is.  During this mini movie moment (nice alteration, huh?)  You have felt over fifty emotions and made a fool of yourself on twenty different accounts based purely on your facial expressions. During this one song. 

You assume the people wonder what you're listening to, because based your reactions to it- it holds the secrets to living and answers to life.  Then you realize- NOBODY is looking at you. People are whispering “nice to meet yous”. They’re doing sudoku in pen because they can. They are ordering soda because it’s free.  And you?  You just relived your life.  During this one song. 

Then the song ends. 

SHUT UP. GIVE UP.

Shut Up. Give Up. 

“I can’t complain”.   Actually, unless you’re dead, passed out, or mute you can.  “Won’t” is more accurate. Try saying that, “I won’t complain”.  It practically  changes the meaning completely.  If you “can’t complain”, you are staying that life hasn’t hit that point.  You know the breaking point.  The one where your day goes from “FANTASTIC! I LOVE MONDAYS!” to “if I see another human breathe one more time...”. That point.  I can’t complain is just waiting- almost hoping-  for that “thing” to happen.  Just flip you over, so that you CAN complain.  But “I won’t complain”, that’s stating something way different.  It’s saying no matter how bad this day gets- no matter how many “things” happen to me- I will choose not to complain.  Complaining just recreates the negative emotions in your heart, soul, body, and mind.  It’s literally reliving the crap in your life. Now, I am a firm believer in venting.  Just let it out.  Write it out. Scream it out.  Sing it out.  Run it out.  Then you need to shut up.  It’s over. It’s done. It’s out of the way.  It’s not relevant anymore. Like that crush you had in middle school that didn't give you a carnation on Valentine's day- I mean February 14th.  No big deal.  I mean it's not like I'm still waiting.  I've forgiven you, Zach Winton.   ANYWAY. When you don’t verbalize the dirt in your day all the time, you’ll realize it makes you way more joyful. Because, when you complain, like worrying, it takes away from what God’s blessed you with.  Usually the worst things, are the funniest. You just have to look for the humor.  Like when I failed that Chemistry test, History test, and didn't remember my English essay in one day.  SO FUNNY. Right mom and dad? So funny. ha. ha. ha. We're all laughing now.... 

The second thing, is to give up. Just give up already! Nobody is expecting you to have a the best day every day.  And most likely you won’t, so when that happens just give it up.  Let it go. (Disney had to ruin that saying for me).  But really- just give up.  It can get so exhausting holding on the horrible in your life.  It’s physically, emotionally, and spiritually draining.  Give up.  Take a nap. And then focus on the good. The flowers out of the dirt. The hilarious out of the horrible. Ephesians says, to stop all the bad talk- the complaining, the gossiping, the inappropriate stuff- and to say the right thing at the right time.  Now, I think that’s really important. “the right time”.  “... and then all of a sudden, my new puppy ran into the street and a car came...” “OH SHUT UP! GIVE UP ALREADY!”.  Might not go over so well. We still need to be understanding and take time into consideration.  Ephesians continues to say, “help others with what you say”.  So, if it’s not helping but actually hindering- be smart- you may need to back away.  

So....

Feeling low today?  I’ve got some great words of encouragement for you-

Shut Up.

Give Up.

Better already?

*Ephesians 4 (CEV)

Father,

Father, I’m weary. 

I’m an impatient fool.

I’m a shadow chaser.

Mine is running

While I am crawling

Father, please forgive my future

My past is a mess made beautiful 

But my life will continue 

The map I look for guidance is black

I’m waiting

Be the lamp that leads me back

Lead me back

Back to you

Father, speak to me now

I will listen

I will look

Focus on you

You say, “don’t you know you’re my daughter?”

I struggle with acceptance

I live as an orphan

Father, you say, “you are beautiful, my beloved”

But I listen to the noise.

I hold myself against paper

Chained to the air

The vapor 

Standards that crumble 

Father, lift me up

My ears are under

My heart is muted

Lift me up

So I may hear your sweet voice

Where my lungs are resting

And my breathes are steady

Where my heart is beating

And your love is heavy

Father

Peace Out, Boy Scout

Peace

What a word, huh? Peace.  When you say it, you get one of two feelings:

1. a smile crawls on your face and you feel all warm inside

2. you feel a bitter stab- hint of jealousy of those who feel #1.

I have personally experienced both.  Maybe sometimes more so #2 than #1. Too many numbers? Okay, Ill stop.  I don't like math either. I'll stick with words.  So here's the deal. I've realized a lot over the past year. Mostly about God and His promises. The one that's been sticking out the most to me is this: Peace Is a Gift

It is. It's been given to us every time our little exhausted eyes flutter open to the sound of chirping birds outside our windows... No? Just me?  Haha, but honestly, every morning peace has been given to us.  It's all nicely wrapped, ribboned, and placed beside our bed like a gift from God.  The letter attached says, "To my child: Follow me today, and I will give you rest." (Psalms 62:5) But it's a choice. See how that works? When you give a gift, it's the recipient who has the choice to open it, accept it, and cherish it. And every gift God gives is good and going to help us (James 1:17). Now, I have given a gift that a person didn't accept. And, let me tell you, it sucked. I wanted to bless this person. I was so excited. And if you know me, my excitement is a little overwhelming. But, I spent time, effort, and energy picking out the perfect gift. 

I said, "why don't you want it?" He responded, "I don't deserve it. I don't want you to waste it one me. It costs too much." To that, I replied, "well, I already spent the money, so now it means nothing."

 He simply refused the gift. 

It broke my heart.

Does that sound familiar? Do you reject God's gift of peace on a daily basis? Do you say, "sorry, God I don't deserve this.  It costs too much."

Well, God's response will be pretty similar, "My Son died for you to have everlasting life to the fullest (that includes peace). So now, it means nothing to you"

Don't be stubborn to accept God's gifts.

 Don't let satan steal another moment of a peaceful life from you.  Don't go another second without His comfort. God asks us to take His yoke (way of life, commandments, and walk of faith) and He will take our yoke (pain, hurt, worries of this world) and in return He'll give you peace. (Matthew 11:29).

 Now, for me, I'm all yelling/crying/freaking out in my room like, "WHAT GOD!?!?! You want all of MY crap and messes I'VE made and You'll fix them?  All I have to do is live a peaceful life and love others???

Ok.

I'm cool with that...

What does God get in return for you accepting His peace? He gets joy. 3 John 1:4 says that when we obey Him and walk in the truth, God has no greater joy. It's a win-win.  I live a peaceful life AND I make my Creator joyful? 

I'm in. 

Peace Out, Boy scout