Father,

Father, I’m weary. 

I’m an impatient fool.

I’m a shadow chaser.

Mine is running

While I am crawling

Father, please forgive my future

My past is a mess made beautiful 

But my life will continue 

The map I look for guidance is black

I’m waiting

Be the lamp that leads me back

Lead me back

Back to you

Father, speak to me now

I will listen

I will look

Focus on you

You say, “don’t you know you’re my daughter?”

I struggle with acceptance

I live as an orphan

Father, you say, “you are beautiful, my beloved”

But I listen to the noise.

I hold myself against paper

Chained to the air

The vapor 

Standards that crumble 

Father, lift me up

My ears are under

My heart is muted

Lift me up

So I may hear your sweet voice

Where my lungs are resting

And my breathes are steady

Where my heart is beating

And your love is heavy

Father

Peace Out, Boy Scout

Peace

What a word, huh? Peace.  When you say it, you get one of two feelings:

1. a smile crawls on your face and you feel all warm inside

2. you feel a bitter stab- hint of jealousy of those who feel #1.

I have personally experienced both.  Maybe sometimes more so #2 than #1. Too many numbers? Okay, Ill stop.  I don't like math either. I'll stick with words.  So here's the deal. I've realized a lot over the past year. Mostly about God and His promises. The one that's been sticking out the most to me is this: Peace Is a Gift

It is. It's been given to us every time our little exhausted eyes flutter open to the sound of chirping birds outside our windows... No? Just me?  Haha, but honestly, every morning peace has been given to us.  It's all nicely wrapped, ribboned, and placed beside our bed like a gift from God.  The letter attached says, "To my child: Follow me today, and I will give you rest." (Psalms 62:5) But it's a choice. See how that works? When you give a gift, it's the recipient who has the choice to open it, accept it, and cherish it. And every gift God gives is good and going to help us (James 1:17). Now, I have given a gift that a person didn't accept. And, let me tell you, it sucked. I wanted to bless this person. I was so excited. And if you know me, my excitement is a little overwhelming. But, I spent time, effort, and energy picking out the perfect gift. 

I said, "why don't you want it?" He responded, "I don't deserve it. I don't want you to waste it one me. It costs too much." To that, I replied, "well, I already spent the money, so now it means nothing."

 He simply refused the gift. 

It broke my heart.

Does that sound familiar? Do you reject God's gift of peace on a daily basis? Do you say, "sorry, God I don't deserve this.  It costs too much."

Well, God's response will be pretty similar, "My Son died for you to have everlasting life to the fullest (that includes peace). So now, it means nothing to you"

Don't be stubborn to accept God's gifts.

 Don't let satan steal another moment of a peaceful life from you.  Don't go another second without His comfort. God asks us to take His yoke (way of life, commandments, and walk of faith) and He will take our yoke (pain, hurt, worries of this world) and in return He'll give you peace. (Matthew 11:29).

 Now, for me, I'm all yelling/crying/freaking out in my room like, "WHAT GOD!?!?! You want all of MY crap and messes I'VE made and You'll fix them?  All I have to do is live a peaceful life and love others???

Ok.

I'm cool with that...

What does God get in return for you accepting His peace? He gets joy. 3 John 1:4 says that when we obey Him and walk in the truth, God has no greater joy. It's a win-win.  I live a peaceful life AND I make my Creator joyful? 

I'm in. 

Peace Out, Boy scout

Spring Oreos & Jesus Christ

Spring Oreos & Jesus Christ

Valentine’s Day is all about love

...

right?

Well, after eighteen years, I’ve come to find the highs and lows of this aggressive holiday. 

 After the best Valentine’s Day, I have ever experienced. I have come to a realization of Love.

DO NOT CONVINCE IT.

Convincing a person that you are really cool  is different from somebody naturally intrigued by you. 

(on a scale of one-to-slurpee, you’d be like a frappuccino to them)

 It’s not about impressing and convincing. 

Jesus is love.

God never convinced us to love Him.

No. He said, this is me. Take it or leave it. 

Choice and voice were intentionally left for the human race. 

I don’t love a man, romantically. But I have experienced love. And none, which required me to convince the other to do so.

This morning my Pops, stressed out, busy providing, and exhausted,
my Pops 
bought me 

“Special Edition Spring Oreos” 

and a note that said, “Chloe, you’re a blessing”

The last few nights, I have been horrible to my dad. 

I have yelled and thrown tantrums and acted like a five year-old because life hasn’t turned out the way I wanted it to. 

I don’t think that convinced him to buy me my kryptonite, Oreos.

Tantrums, don’t usually make a productive selling point. 

But he did. 

And now, after a wonderfully long day, 

I’m in bed contemplating true love:

Spring Oreos & Jesus Christ. 

Cool Life

The Cool Life

Christians can’t be cool. That’s what society has told us. As a young adult in this world, I can honestly say that negative connotation couldn’t be further from the truth.  Sky diving, becoming a college athlete, kissing a stranger, traveling the world, eating pickled pigs feet, and running a marathon. Those are goals, dreams, aspirations that we as humans find silly, dumb, and even gross but meaningful. 

Here’s a thought: 

what if those lists became reality? 

And maybe we aren’t worried about the cost, whether it be financially speaking or consequently.  The problem I have come to see is the very intoxicating and addicting ability to over think every opportunity. I don’t mean to go out and do something illegal and highly dangerous without putting thought into it. I’m talking plain and simple: faith.  There is a fine line between being logical and being a control freak.  There comes a moment, when we settle. That’s too expensive. That’s too scary. That will never happen. Backpacking in Europe is way too crazy. That college is way too expensive.  I’m not confident in myself to do that.  

Let the psyching out begin.

STOP.

Don’t you think, serving a huge God, that He wants His followers to live extraordinary lives?  Do you honestly think He wants His followers to live mundane lives?  So the only people that believe and follow Him are cubical workers and routine addicts? 

NO!

God wants us to be cool. Seriously, why would He want to be promoted by people who don’t trust Him enough to make their dreams come true? Why would the creator of everything want His people to be lame? He wants us to live exciting and intriguing lives! We weren’t created to be alive. 

We were created to live! 

Our purpose, as Christians is to live a life that no human could possibly take credit for creating. 

And to love every single person along the way.

Nostalgia

Nostalgia 

It’s Like the best food your soul can taste. It’s bitter and it’s sweet.  It’s the door you wanted open as a kid just in case the monster came back and you needed an escape route to your parents.  The door you kept open so if you left reality for an hour you’d still feel included- in case something interesting happened in the living room.  It’s the door you suddenly wanted to close because you had to discuss the Middle School Survival Guide with your BFF. The door you shut and locked because you needed privacy and thought your middle-aged parents’ wisdom could never understand.  When you felt the phone conversations between you and your boyfriend were Shakespearean secrets.  The door you hoped would slowly open with your sister or mother behind when those poetic lyrics turned to ice-cream breakups. The door slammed when you needed an escape. The door you left open for a little extra noise to bring you comfort. I know in a few months it will be the last time closing one just a few feet from my dad’s.  And the first time opening one states away from my childhood.  Where Dorm will be the new Home.  And that door will signify the figurative ones that will be opened by Him leading  my future.  

Nostalgia is different for everyone. 

I found my in doors. 

Present

Present

I know we shouldn’t, weren’t created to, live in the past. I know that’s why it is called the past.  Still, I can’t help wonder- if people are so willing to leave (college mind set) what’s the point in investing?  (Spoiler alert: there is a happy answer). I’ve come to find out, truthfully, there is a very significant point.  It’s the same point as growing flowers in a garden, observing butterflies as they land, purchasing a cute pair of jeans, and eating a warm batch of brownies.  You see, people don’t stay forever, flowers will die, butterflies will leave, jeans won’t fit, and brownies will be gone. However, fact: flowers are beautiful, butterflies are mesmerizing, those jean look great on you!, and the brownies? Well, the brownies cured a lot of broken hearts with their temporarily deliciousness. There is a point to everything.  Even if it’s just pure enjoyment. We don’t always need logic for all the answers.  Some things require emotions and feelings to answer their being and existence.  I know God created life to be felt not understood. So now, I welcome as many people to my heart as I can fit.  It may hurt to lose, but worth the pain is worth it.