Dialogue

 According to a Facebook link (always credible) we spend 70-80% of our time communicating.  That communication includes writing, reading, listening, and speaking.  And if you’re anything like me, you repeat dialogue in your head.   

**Directed to strangers I had just "met"  
(side note, "met" is such a strong word.  I mean, "eavesdropping"  "meeting" it's all interchangeable)
((side note on the side notes, there will be  a lot of side notes))

“Well, hey! (A lot of bit too loudly)

Good luck on your son... (Quietness stilled the restaurant.  Because nobody, including I, knew how to take that comment. Especially because he’s 22—not a sick newborn… just a man graduating from college.)

Huh… (Me verbally realizing I should probably, “ABORT MISSION!”)

Happy late birthday! (To the wife whom I immediately embarrassed just by making eye contact, instead of shoving sushi where my words were spilling out)

 Oh! And happy early birthday!... ?” (To the husband who didn’t have patience for his meal being cooked literally in front of him, let alone a raspy-voiced-frizzy-haired me yelling at him in a [nice] restaurant. Especially when his birthday is four moths away…. Don’t ask how I know that.)

 It gets worse… I touched them.  That’s right, I awkwardly touched two adult strangers on the shoulders in a patting manner. When I realized what I was doing was inappropriate half way through the arm extension, I tried to retrieve, but it was too late.  As they were walking towards the exit (which I unconsciously blocked with my obnoxious body) their bodies collided with my aggressive arm. And before I knew it, the pat happened.  You know that “pat”.  The one that acquaintances, coaches, teachers, or pastors give to kids when they’re proud.  It’s affection in a very innocent and childlike manner.  I gave the pat to adult strangers. Ugh. 

In just one sentence (if you call it that), I single handily made the entire right side of a restaurant, my waiter (who didn’t find my jokes funny, and burned me with rice), and two very confused adults feel violated. 

Dialogue. 

The sad thing is, that was just last night. And honestly, fumbling of words occurs way more often than should.  I have yelled at a pizza boy and made the whole restaurant stop in fear, all because I asked for spinach and olives on my pizza a little too aggressively. (Dang it, Giada!  Look what I get for a good source of vitamin K and heart-healthy unsaturated fats) I have made fun of the movie Frozen to people directly related to the animators of the movie… Frozen (Honestly, I’m proud that particular bounce-back).  I have publically humiliated my crush in front of the entire school, including but not limited to my senior speech.  Me asking a kid at a bounce-house day camp “Hey, sweetie! When’s your birthday?”  “July 2” “JULY 2?!?!? NO WAY!! Wanna know something really weird about July 2?”  “WHAT!?” “My hamster died on July 2 during a Hannah Montana episode, and the now the song, “Start All Over” is ironic.  You know?.”  “…. Can I bounce now?”  “Sure thing!"

Communication is key.  I know these are horror stories for most introverts who do that thing… what’s it called?  Oh! Thinking before you talk. However, as bad as these stories get, and trust me when I say, these aren’t the worst, I love my commutation skills.  “How the heck are you proud of your communication skills, Chloe?”  Good question, random reader who probably didn’t care to ask, but because I typed it out and you’re reading it, you just asked…  I’ll tell you.  See, as bad as these get.  I would relive all of my awkward tasteless blurts of questions, opinions, and assumptions because—aside from these moments—I’ve seen real growth and healing through communication.  Not just communication but specifically, confrontation.

 I’ve heard a lot of girls (and boys) say, “oh, we never fight” when describing their friendships or relationships.  And, yes, I do think to an extent, there is something to be said about compatibility.  One can’t even call it a “friendship” if there isn’t any friendliness.  But I heard a pastor say, “relationships are about sacrifice.”  As I sat in a Cheetos and conflict-free chocolate covered back seat of a bumpy van, I realized how relevant and powerful those words are in all relationships—parental, friendship, and romantic.  Are you willing to give up your pride?  Are you willing to change your dreams for another (even if they don’t ask)?  Are you willing to risk a fight for a better future?   Are you willing to sacrifice your comfort and trade it in for awkwardness?  Are you willing to sacrifice your temper even if somebody is smacking a banana and peanut butter in your ear at 2 am while you’re trying to study and simultaneously learn all the lyrics to the new Selena Gomez song?  (Trust me, my temper is one of the hardest things for me to sacrifice).  However, these are just cute words on a “feeling crafty” canvas posted on Instagram, but it means nothing if you don’t realize the power of confrontation this requires.  How will you ever be able to improve, give up, work on, work through, or forgive, if it’s never brought up?

Something I’ve been honored and blessed with is community.  Community looks different for everybody.  I have about seven very close friendships.  I love each of them very dearly.  Some friendships were born in the depths of smelly puberty filled hall-ways and green eye shadow yearbook photos (aka middle school), and others I met in college doing sophisticated things like coffee dates, philosophical debates, and stealing ducks from the local pond and putting it in Allen Hall 410’s bathroom. 

(i.e. green eye shadow)

Either way, my pastor said, the best friendships are never the easiest ones—they’re the hardest.  If you’re not being challenged to grow, experience, and share they aren’t, by definition, friends.  They’re affirmation buddies.   Yes, “we’ve never fought” sounds cute and maybe on looks good on a resume, but the deepest talks, the best memories, and the purest relationships are the ones willing to get messy in awkward fumbling of words and screaming fits.  Of course, it’s a given, make sure when confronting somebody, it’s with a pure heart and intientions to grow.  “Um… so here’s the deal, I was thinking we should confront some issues.  FOR STARTERS, COULD YOU LIKE NOT CRY TO YOUR MOM SO LOUDLY?  IT REALLY ANNOYS ME WHEN YOUR TEARS WAKE ME UP.  Okay, this was great. Thanks so much.”  This might require a day or so to pray about, but seek and God’s going to give you wisdom.  Trust me, I have to ask all the time… 

Cheesy Picture of Friendship 

Scripture on Biblical confrontation and communication:          

Galatians 6:1-10

2 Timothy 3:16

Matthew 18:15-20